


The hands of a lover, and other synonyms for comfort

by Honeyvalentine



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash Lynx Lives, Ash Lynx and Okumura Eiji Go to Japan, Bathing/Washing, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28234440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honeyvalentine/pseuds/Honeyvalentine
Summary: Ash doesn’t really know how to describe this… thing he has with Eiji.Except that it’s definitely there. And it definitely doesn’t hurt.(The smallest things are the most important)
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 8
Kudos: 162





	The hands of a lover, and other synonyms for comfort

**Author's Note:**

> HEYYYY THANK YOU FOT CLICKING AND READING!!! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕I LOVE YOU AND HOPE YOU ENJOY

“You put it in yogurt—and then mix to eat.”

“I know what oats are, Eiji.”

“You know everything, don’t you?”

“For the most part.”

Eiji looks unimpressed, hand on his hip. He furrows his brow at Ash, before shoving the bag of granola in his face. 

“Want to get this for home or no?”

“Sure. Beats your cooking.”

Eiji rolls his eyes, face melting into a mischievous expression. “Oh Eiji! You are best! Thank you for breakfast!” He imitates, copying Ash’s tone surprisingly well. “That’s what you say to me this morning, yes?”

Ash shifts the full basket in his hands, their sides brushing as they walk through the market. He did say that. 

“Hmm. Must’ve been your other roommate.” 

Eiji just tips his head onto Ash’s shoulder and laughs.

“Let’s pay. We can go to another store.”

Ash groans. Eiji already woke his ass up at 7:00, bouncing around their shared apartment as if getting ready to grocery shop was the noisiest task ever. 

“Can we just go home after this? We don’t need anything else.”

“We need shampoo, Ash.”

“Eiji….” Ash whines. 

“We can go to one more stop, then home! In and out! You will go home after to read your book.” Eiji smiles, grabbing Ash’s arm. He flushes, and huffs in reply. Proximity is the one and only thing Ash can’t argue with.   
Eiji detaches himself while he pays, but Ash still feels the heat, the stir in his stomach. 

It’s probably the one and only thing he and Eiji don’t talk about, the name of their relationship. Despite knowing very very well how he feels about the other boy, Ash doesn’t really know how to describe this…  _ thing  _ he has with Eiji. 

Except that it’s definitely there. And it definitely doesn’t hurt. 

—-

“Ah! You put them all away already!” Eiji grins, glancing at their counter—free of groceries.

“Only because you took forever to change.”

Ash quips. It’s ridiculous that the second Eiji gets home he wants to change into his ‘house clothes’. It implies that he gets dressed just to go out for two hours in the day. 

“Sorry sorry. I leave all the hard work to you.” Eiji replies, but he doesn’t look any bit apologetic. Ash curls in closer to the couch, looks back down at his book. He's twenty minutes into a new chapter, when Eiji flops down next to him, scrolling on his phone. 

With Eiji working a lot, and Ash being easily overwhelmed by shopping, there’s a silent agreement between them that Saturdays are for doing absolutely nothing. They spend most of the afternoon laying around, laughing together.

Around six, Eiji pats Ash’s head while he passes through the living room—all while hopping into the kitchen. 

“Do you want to keep me company?” Eiji asks, genuinely curious, head tilting. Ash nods, shuffles behind him. While Eiji pulls a small pot out of their pantry, he leans back and sits on the kitchen counter languidly. He smiles to himself when Eiji throws his apron over his head, turning his back to Ash in a silent plea to help him tie it. Ash does, but not before poking at his sides, soft, ticklish. 

“Ash—stop joking around!” Eiji yelps, turning in Ash’s hold. 

“I’m just helping you fix your apron.” He smiles, innocent. 

“Liar.” Eiji huffs, poking out his tongue. But there’s no heat. No burns, never with Ash.

Eiji leans over Ash to grab a bag of dry noodles from the cabinet behind him, leaving the pot at the sink to fill with water.

“I saw the cutest thing at the wedding photoshoot yesterday.” Eiji hums to himself.

“Yeah?” Ash replies, leaning forward towards the warmth as the steam rises. 

“Their cake topper—“ Eiji mumbles, his eyes dart to Ash, then back to the pot. There’s a red tinge on his cheeks. “Their cake topper was two cats cuddling. Instead of people.” He finishes. Ash gazes curiously, watching Eiji fidget with the ladle. “Don’t you think that’s cute Ash?” 

Ash thinks about it, and honestly doesn’t particularly care for the idea. I mean, it’s super cute and all, but it doesn’t work on him the way it works Eiji. Ash isn’t really the type to plan a dream wedding—he’s a romantic, but more of a domestic thirty year marriage type of guy. The actual wedding itself is small in the big scheme of things. He looks at Eiji, who seems to be  _ incredibly  _ concerned about Ash’s answer. Decides to humor him.

“That’s really cute.” 

Eiji visibly exhales. “You don’t think it’s dumb?” 

What the hell is going on with him? Who cares what Ash thinks about a random couples wedding cake topper?

“It’s not dumb. It’s sweet.” Ash hums, and he likes the smile that his reply gets out of Eiji. 

“If I get married—I'd really like that to be my wedding topper.” 

“Oh yeah?” Ash smiles. “You’ve put a lot of thought into this, haven’t you?”

Eiji stirs the pot, the soup smells really good. His face is red, unbeknownst to Ash, it’s not from the steam. 

“Um— yeah. They have a website where— where you can make the cats look like you. They have black hair, and gray, brown, and um. Yellow.” Eiji rushes out, constantly glancing back and forth between the pot and his friend on the counter— like he’s gauging Ash’s reaction. 

“Nice. One for everybody.” 

“I had the couple— show me where they got them and—“ Eiji pauses, pulls out his phone. Ash furrows his brow, a little concerned at Eiji’s slight trembling. He watches him switch to the web browser, scroll a bit, and press his thumb to the screen. 

“You good?” Ash asks, tilting his head. 

“Um— I wanted to show this to you.” Eiji mumbles, passing Ash his cell. Ash takes it in his hands, looks down at the site Eiji’s on. 

His realization is soft and slow, at what he’s looking at. On the screen, there’s two ceramic cats, one black with brown eyes, the other blonde with green eyes. They’re smiling, wearing top hats, and their tails are curled into a heart. They’re sitting down on a little white plaque, where it looks like one of the cats clawed A + E into the frosting. Holy shit. 

Ash feels a little like crying, it’s really sweet. Really really sweet, the type of thing Eiji does that makes him want to cradle and kiss him.  _ Baby— _ he thinks, looking down at Eiji. Eiji is completely checked out, eyes wide, face red, hyper focused at the task at hand. 

Ash goes back to looking at the screen, hand subconsciously clutching his chest. It’s been silent for a minute or two, when Eiji clears his throat.

“Haha.” He laughs, nervously. “Sorry, um- we can just forget. I am so weird, yes?”

Ash feels himself melt,  _ no, no no baby!  _ He quickly smiles down at Eiji, trying to ease his nerves. 

“Hmm…. the only weird thing is I’m not wearing my glasses.” He muses, and the relief on Eiji’s face is like a sunbeam. 

“Oh!” He grins, his usual excited demeanor washing back over him. “I thought maybe, you would show your whole face. At wedding day.” 

“And not see my husband?” He teases, giving Eiji a wink. Instead of flustering, Eiji pauses, and starts basking in pure, unfiltered joy at Ash’s comment. 

“Oh! You can get contacts, just for the day. And we can choose music together and— and it can be outdoors, maybe if you want to,  _ so everyone can eat on the grass—“ _

Ash let’s Eiji completely dominate the conversation during dinner.

  
  


—

Take back what Ash said— about this not being painful. Sometimes Eiji is so gentle with him that it aches, that it can bring him to tears.

He can feel Eiji’s hands run smoothly over his back, warm and wet. Those hands are washing his body like they’re washing his heart, gentle, kind, careful. Eiji checks the water on the shower head, making sure it isn’t too hot or cold, looks at Ash with a soft smile. It’s unbelievable, how he never treats Ash’s body like a body— he just treats it like Ash. It heals this disconnect Ash has fought with, the little thing trapped inside his head forcing a barrier between himself and his flesh— but while sitting on a stool in the bathroom, looking down at his hands and the clean white tiles beyond, it’s him now. Those are  _ his _ hands, and Eiji is lathering  _ his  _ sides. It’s not possessive, not cruel— Eiji is just caring for his person the same way he cares for his mind. Borrowing it for a while, with permission, and returning it, warmer,  _ safer,  _ than he found it.

“You are quiet, Ash.” He hears from behind him. 

“Lucky you.” Ash replies, forcing a laugh.

Eiji just gives him a soft look, brushes hair behind his ear. He feels Eiji’s head drop to the back of his neck, humming. There’s a pair of arms slipping down his back, landing near his hips. They don’t scratch or bite, just lay gently, somewhere intimate, but in a way that Ash has the capacity to understand. Eiji does not steal from him, even with his guard down, their strengths decently matched, tears slipping their way out of Ash’s eyes— there is no violation within their shared space. 

“What’s wrong Ash?”

Ash pauses, relishing in Eiji’s touch. It’s a grounding weight, kind, makes his gut feel funny.

“Nothing. Just thinking.” He mumbles, and Eiji giggles.

“Oh? You have a brain in there?”

“Only half.”

“Makes sense.”

There’s a pause, trickling water, soft breathing. Ash isn’t sad. If he could put the feeling into words, it would probably start with warm. The spot inside him that's still a little raw and guttural isn’t restless anymore. Like the feeling is exactly where it needs to be. He leans back against Eiji, heart bumping in his chest.

“I love you.” 

“I love you back.” Eiji breathes, his reply coming out the second Ash’s piece is over.

Ash stands to rinse off, shivering when he pulls a towel over himself. Eiji rubs his arms up and down, warming them up, leading Ash back to their room. It’s cold today, and Ash fumbles while getting dressed. The night time usually has him feeling shaky, unsafe, the dark reminiscent of handfuls of bad memories he can’t seem to quell.   
His hands are trembling with nerves, but it’s routine, and Eiji pushes them to the side, helping Ash tie his drawstring, the waistband of his sweats gentle around his hips. Eiji looks up when he’s tied a bow, bunny ears style, and bumps their noses together.

It’s dark, not scary. Just dark. Just time to go to sleep. He leans back into Eiji’s open embrace, soft under the covers. Despite being a little taller than Eiji, the ex gang leader, the one with bloody knuckles, he curls into the other boy’s arms like a small animal. Like Eiji is the one keeping him safe, like he truly believes Eiji can protect him from anything, and Eiji probably can. He feels himself drifting, presses his body closer to Eiji’s. They’re chest to chest, legs tangled together, mop of blonde hair splayed across his lover’s collar. There’s a hand on his back, curled around him to run between his shoulder blades. It’s a physical shield between the familiar darkness and Ash’s horrific thoughts. The hand nestled at the nape of his neck combs through his hair. Ash could stay like this forever, curled on top of Eiji, relishing in the arms wrapped around his body.

He shuts his eyes and huffs in a rush of anxiety, he’s on a nightmare free streak you see, day four, and going to bed each night feels a little more nerve wracking than the last. Eiji feels the puff of air against his chest, and leaves a long kiss to Ash’s head. 

“My job tomorrow is at twelve.” Eiji whispers, planting another kiss into Ash’s hair. “I can hold you all morning. I won’t even wake you early.”   
Ash can feel him smile against his crown, and he smiles too. Wiggling impossibly closer, Ash thinks about tomorrow. After Eiji’s job, they can go to the park and get lunch like they do on Sunday’s. 

“Shhh.” Eiji’s voice breaks through his thoughts. “Sleep now, Ash.”

Ash’s gaze falls between a spot connecting Eiji’s neck and collar, eyes slipping shut. His world exists of nothing but their weighted blanket and Eiji’s heartbeat, deep steady breaths that lightly tousle strands of Aslan’s hair. He can’t help but wonder, in his last moments of consciousness, what he was so frightened of. 

**Author's Note:**

> The wedding conversation was based off of a personal anecdote. I want cats as my cake topper if I ever get married, and my conversation with my best friend about it ended with her understanding my intentions in asking her opinion. It’s the little things you allude to, you don’t always have to say it. But anyways, it makes me warm to think about that, and to think about her, and just my loved ones in general. I hope this was cathartic to you, because it was cathartic to me, and I think it’s amazing how we can share such feelings.


End file.
